Though this question might well be confused with a inquiry after the state of your loss of height or even girth, it is an inquiry after the state of your spiritual health. The ancient meaning of ‘shrive’ is to hear someone’s sins and to respond with an assurance of grace and spiritual advice as required. It is the action that lies behind Shrove Tuesday, the day before Lent begins.
Next Tuesday, February 25th, could be a good day to ask yourself where you have fallen short in your striving to be a person who gives no offense. For those who experience a divine presence in their lives their desire not to offend includes both deity and humanity. For those whose sole focus is in the human realm, there still remains a need to own up to offenses one may have given. The range of offenses we can offer are almost too numerous to mention. A short list would include: unwarranted anger, intentional slights, corners cut too sharply, offering cold legalism where warm empathy was needed, pursuing desires to own or possess beyond need or reason, choosing the easy out when forgiving self, and choosing harsh standards when called upon to forgive others.
Before you even begin to catalogue the offenses you have given, I can offer one piece of advice good for both your spiritual health and your relationships on the mortal plane. It is not enough to catalogue those faults, or even to share the fact of your failings with counselors. You will need to take the next step and work at making amends with those you have offended. Sometimes apologies can suffice, at other times reparations will need to be offered. Occasionally you may find your offense went unnoticed and your contrition seems unnecessary. From time to time you will learn that apologies and reparations cannot undo the damage done. In that instance, in particular, you will find this spiritual advice more than cumbersome. Yet, it is for those times when forgiveness may not be readily forthcoming that we need an extra measure of grace. The grace that allows us to keep on reviewing our offenses, even though we might never be fully ‘shriven’ – heard, given the grace of forgiveness, and readmitted to a relationship unmarred by memories that bring pain.
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February 23, 2009 at 2:37 am
Hazel Blumberg
Thank you for these musings, Robin. I frequently (far too frequently?) think about transgressions I’ve committed and how best to at least attempt to right the wrongs. Sometimes I’ve apologized and had my apologies accepted. What a relief for both parties! But perhaps the most upsetting is to apologize to someone, to try hard to make amends, and to receive no reaction at all or at the most a negative reaction.
From the last, I’ve learned that one can only do what one can. One can’t make anyone else act the way one would like that person to act. Yes, I’ve got regrets that some simply will not forgive or accept apologies, but I can’t make these people change. I can only do something good for someone or something else; that seems to be the way I’ve solved the dilemma for myself.
And the reflection is good for me, I think, as long as it doesn’t turn into self-flagellation. But I think it’s important to realize we’re not perfect, that we sometimes hurt others (and sometimes inadvertently or unknowingly), and that we need to go on striving to be better, whether to living creatures alone or to god(s) and living beings.
Thanks again for the thought that goes into your Web site.
Hazel